The Fine Print
Said plainly, for once.
- Every item is exactly the ordinary object described under Specifications on its page. That is what ships.
- The stories are fiction, written for fun. No aliens, Vikings or pharaohs were consulted.
- Each “estimated value” is a joke too. It is not a real price, a former price or an appraisal.
- Bureau Certificates are part of the joke. They are not appraisals or proof of authenticity, history or value.
- Nothing here is an investment. Your paperclip will not go up in value.
The Terms of the Arrangement
Keep your voice down. Here is how the Bureau does business.
No Take-Backs After Twelve Orbits
Cold feet? Speak up within twelve orbits of the Naxous star. After that the deal is done, and the Bureau never saw you.
Plainly: You can cancel for a full refund within 24 hours of purchase. Ask through the contact below.
Ambushed Couriers and Misfiring Wormholes
Couriers get waylaid. Wormholes misfire. In this line of work, it happens.
Plainly: If your item arrives damaged or never arrives, you get a full refund.
The Courier's Cut Is Covered
The courier's fee is baked into the price. Nobody asks the courier questions.
Plainly: Shipping is included in the price. We ship to US addresses only.
Rare Goods Travel Slowly
False-bottomed crates. Decoy routes. Packaging that has to be talked into it. The rarer the object, the longer the road, and some exhibits insist on special handling.
Plainly: Orders ship within 30 days of purchase. If yours will take longer, we'll email you and you can cancel for a full refund.
Reaching the Bureau
Don't call us. Don't follow the courier. Use the drop below.
Plainly: Contact details will be posted here before the shop takes real orders.
What Runs in Your Browser
Only the checkout page runs any script: Stripe’s, which shows the payment form, and a small one of ours that loads it. Stripe may collect information about your device to help prevent fraud; see Stripe’s privacy policy. Card details go straight to Stripe and never touch our servers. No other page runs any script, and the shop uses no trackers.